Pregnancy Ingrown Hair

I have a small painful lump on my woman parts.

I'm not sure what's going on, my guess would be an ingrown hair or some kind of pimple. The problem is that with this pregnant belly, I can't see it.  I gently caress this lump in the shower, and I've grasped my labia and tried to pull it forward into my line of sight, but it's no good.  I'm pretty sure the lump is getting bigger, and I know it's getting more painful.  Soon I'm going to have to cave and get my husband, ThePrince, to take some digital pictures of it so I can see.

I don't really want to take digital pictures of my woman parts.  Last pregnancy, when I got the hemorrhoids, the only way for me to get a gander at my thrombosed 'roid lump was for ThePrince to take close-range photos using the macro setting on our point-and-shoot camera while I held my buttcheeks apart with my hands.  The result was a collection of about 20 hi-res photos of my anus horribly disfigured by a nasty 'roid that I still can't bring myself to delete.  And then, because I had the photos, I had to offer to show them to friends. Several took me up on my offer, and now more people know what my asshole looks like than would ever be necessary for the average person.  Also?  I discovered that my anus is aging at a much faster rate than the rest of me.  To my endless horror, I found that it looked old and shrivelled and...kind of grey.  I was 29 at the time, not exactly old, and my anus looked nothing like what I recalled porn stars' anuses looking like. ThePeach, who agreed to see the pictures when I suggested them over dinner, revealed that porn stars don't have normal anuses, that they're kept beautiful by anal bleaching.  That was the first time I'd heard of this practice.  And now I live in daily shame over my 75-year-old unbleached anus, and the knowledge that many of my friends have seen it. I'm not prepared to face these kinds of harsh realities with my vagina.

ThePrince examined it for me a few nights ago, and concluded it was an ingrown hair.  He suggested I scratch at the surface of it gently to try to unearth it, so I've been doing that for several days.  Now, with layers of skin peeling off of it, it looks like a really large open blister from a distance in the mirror (if you're wondering why I don't just get a handheld mirror and look at it that way, it's because I'm having trouble with depth perception and every time I try to do this I get motion-sickness.  My pregnancy brain is unable to compute how to scratch at the lump in the mirror, and what I see and what my brain expects to see crashes together and makes me woozy).

Last night I decided I needed to trim up the foliage.  I haven't bothered waxing my yoohoo in years.  It takes too long, and I was trying to avoid this whole ingrown hair business.  Nowadays, I get out my handy dandy lady-parts trimmer and mow down the area to an eighth of an inch, then tweeze the ones that try to escape my underwear.

So like I was saying, last night I compulsively decided it was time to mow the lawn.  ThePrince suggested that this might not be the best time for it, but I jumped in the shower anyway and started buzzing away blind.  Recall, I can't see anything under my pregnant belly.  There I was, shoving the trimmer this way and that, guiding it roughly around my peeling engorged ingrown hair blister when, shockingly, blood appeared on my fingertips.  Something was bleeding!  I tried to see under my belly to determine the source of the blood but it was no use.  I got the idea that if I LAY DOWN, I might be able to see it.  So I hopped out of the shower, grabbed a few squares of toilet paper for blotting, and hoisted myself into the bed. ThePrince was confused.

ThePrince: "If you know you're bleeding, what makes you think it's a good idea to get into our bed?  With the cream-coloured sheets?"

WailingDuck: "Shhhh!!  It'll be fine!"

I then proceeded to try to arch myself in a sideways-down motion to see my crotch.  Of course, the further I leaned, the more my lower body pivoted around, so the net result was a naked pregnant woman spinning around in a bed like a dog chasing its tail.

I did end up catching a glimpse of my peeling lump and it was, indeed, bleeding.  I'm not sure how it's doing today.  I got the kids off to school, ate breakfast, and wrote this post, so I guess I'll go and see what it's up to.  Wish me luck!